BRIGHTON PIZZA GIRL.

Gossip and Grumbles

with Pizza Grill


Stop press edition.

June 2006




I can exclusively reveal West Hill Dials has narrowly missed being relegated from the Guardian Cappuccino Index. (C.I.) A controversial and damning report published tomorrow was leaked to me a few moments ago by someone else. Although exact details are confused and sketchy I urge you to read on.


Guardian C.I. qualifying criteria states “Gentrification ranking points will be deducted for non compliance in the life style shop categories K.I.L.S. ( Kids. Internet & Life-style.) A Guardian spokesperson explained “ It’s all very complicated but an area cannot just qualify through having London media incomers, 4x4 vehicles, and sushi bars alone, if only life was that simple!” she laughed. “We have to factor in the pink pound, prestige tower planning applications and locally sourced coffee beans “ she explained. “ I shouldn’t be telling you any of this, I could lose my position, but the Whistler needs to know the truth” she went on. “ Only the opening of kids shop Mamoshun and the Internet Cafe in Guilford Road have enabled you to scrape through this year. she revealed. Happily I can tell you the judges were much impressed by two of your real estate offices one with chandeliers and pink “bordello” styling and another resembling a B.A. check-in desk.

On the down side the report slams the areas street lighting fixtures, described as “Naff” the lack of neon signage “almost non existent” and the regrettably small number of tables and chairs blocking pavements “lost opportunity”. She said . Other negatives included .”A poor postal service, some households were getting as few as 5 takeaway food menus delivered through their letter boxes each week.” Although it must be said, door to door DVD deliveries by Chinese language students ? had increased.”
On the plus side another group of independent assessors were
impressed with the professionalism of the street beggars “ Intimidating and dirty” the loud beats from the Couch “ Buzzing“ and the nicotine stained art in the Bank Bar “ Tasty.” They concluded. “ This is no Regents Park Road, neither is it a Muesli Belt. A latte can be had for a paltry £1.95 and single bedroom flats can be snapped up for just £224,950. The area has a quaint nostalgic feel, with quirky retail outlets like a Co-op, Post Office and Launderette. Special mention went to a yellow painted cafe selling something called a bacon and egg bap!


“Our inspectors were especially suprised to see so many people aged over 45 on the streets. We also met some working class types but can’t be certain about this. Fortunately established pressure groups like the catchily named T.T.F.T.W.B.O.T.L.C.A.G. Traders Together for The Well Being of The Local Community Action Group and the P.P.P. Parking Protest People all have their fingers on the pulse.......without their input property prices would definitely plummet, although they could go up. The two local festivals, Summer and Christmas both impressed the inspectors as did the news of the planned opening of Fat Lady Singh's Indian restaurant at Dall's tapas bar. The loyalty card scheme at the under new ownership Little Buddha restaurant got a special commendation as did Cowboy Leathers at the old toilet block.
“All in all” said the Inspectors “West Hill Dials is an area just worthy of it’s position on the C.I. There is scant danger of de-gentrification at this time. We liked West Hill so much we have put deposits on buy to let apartments at the Royal Alexandra Residences. ( Children Hospital? Ed)

My informant wasn’t able to add much more but I did text a passing local for a comment, let her words act as a wake up call to the rest of us.

“I’m a bit confused. I obviously new about the Guardian Cappuccino Index but had no idea we were in danger of being struck off. I bought a house in West Hill Road last month and have spent a couple of weekends down here. It’s confusing but losing C.I. status would be a blow to Little London wouldn’t it? It really is confusing“ she went on “ This is a thriving buy to let community. I bought my bath here and the take away French Food is the best kept secret in Brighton. I’m a bit confused. What time does the Tin drum close on Saturday nights? She asked.

For updates on this breaking news Google me at
brightonpizzagirl.blogspot.com

Pizza Girl


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