BRIGHTON PIZZA GIRL.

Gossip and Grumbles with Pizza Girl

“For those who like their gossip neat.”



Thanks for all your emails over the last few months Today it’s back to basics with pure unadulterated gossip. Cut to the chase...

Left in the Dark
The now legendary Dials Winter Wonderland of Lights Spectacular like its counterpart the Dials Summer Festival is not happening again this year. Dials traders queuing to make deposits at the HSBC bank were overheard to Say “Are we bovered.”



First Premier Noveaux Numero Uno.
Another first for Austin Grey. Following the huge success of their “Mills and Boonesque ’ makeover they are now the only estate agents in the world to launch their own brand bottled mineral water .



Chavtastic?
Compton Ave has gone very chavvy with the subculture stereotype of bling and Burberry taking up residence. Personally I’m a bit partial to wearing high heels with my pink trakky but are you bovered? Well it seems you are. Tongues are wagging over the manicured garden fences. The Police have been called umpteen times, And property prices are in freefall. More news and live coverage of the evictions as we get it. Press your
red buttons now.

Swizz Cottage
West Hill home owners are overcoming space shortage with a new trend for building swiss chalets in their back gardens. A recent chalet won retro planning permission. A council officer told us through a third party or it might have been at a party we can’t actually remember. “No problem do what you like, am I bothered?”



Tuc Tuc
TUC TUC Taxis are considering extending their service to the Dials we were told this morning. A spokesperson said “ Unfortunately limited engine capacity prevents the Tuc Tucs from going up steep hills therefore the service will only be operating on down hill journeys. A return fare will be £3”he thought.



Makeovers galore
The pucker tucker, hot spotting,Tutti Frutti has a terrific new layout creating lots of space for more diners.
Watch out for the absolutely gorgeous Sarah’s new Gourmet weekend evening opening hours.

Talk of The Little Buddha refit are completely unfounded. A spokesperson told someone else today.
“Maybe the design is a bit naffolla maybe it isn’t but do you think we’re bovered? ”



Take-over galore.
The Bank café bar previously Brighton Artists Gallery
Has been bought out by the Jel chain of pubs. It’s now named Zuma after the Greek God of smoky environments ,which it is.

Galleria?
The closure of B.A.G was followed by the Canvas Gallery leaving Dali’s, which currently seems to host a bizare art display by local school children. What is down those stairs anyway?

Record Breakers.
Cowboy Leathers have taken over the mantle as the shortest running business in Dials history. Cowboy Leathers opened it’s swinging doors at Flush Florist for less than a week.

Tingleys have broken the record for leaving a sold
Sign up in Compton Avenue. The new record stands at nine years. A council insider was thought to have said “Agents boards are soon to be banned entirely from conservation areas. we are just waiting for my flat in
Buckingham Road To exchange first.”



Ch Ch Changes
Other recent changes on the manor include the closure of the print shop after just six months. It is currently trading as the much more exciting Mortgage store.

Bath Street’s Hot Lemon Pot Café previously Jans Pantry, previously The Meze Bar, previously Cupuchino Central, previously The Silly Sarnie is now Café JJ catering for all your bacon sandwich needs. Next
door Seven Brides is now Kate Langdale Designs.


Keith Bryden has his similarly named Brydens Hardware store up for sale.

Black is the new yellow at Uncle Lols bathroom emporium, tres chic.

Take ‘n Bake in Victoria Street is now The
Victoria Sandwich. Oh I get it....that’s clever..
like Dalis is Dials backward and Dial a Pizza and Sun Dials and............My favourite is the Seven Dials Restaurant now that is clever.





Celeb Watch
Celeb spotting on the Dials this summer peaked with the return of Woody Allen. Woody had a haircut at Just Gents the Barbers . A moustachioed barber revealed “He left a great tip” “ Change your fascia and have a paint job” “We took his advice and got it done straight away. Business has increased by this much thanks to the New York film maestro.” he mimed.
Woody was in town filming with Ewen McGregor. It was this column that exclusively reported Woody Allen at Juliette’s over two years ago. Now do you believe me?

Not strictly celebs but the lovely men and women of Her Majesty's Customs and Excise were out in force when they raided a house in Albert Road one
evening last month. What with the Compton Avenue Chavettes it’s getting like Basildon round here.



Going West?
A bric a brac shop in Trafalgar street once had a sign in the window proudly advertising “We never open” It seems that our own Petite Pain the French Takeaway is emulating this unusual trading technique. Is this store going machullah? My prediction is it will be gone by the time you read this, probably re-invented as an estate agents. Shame my Adrian really loved their wonderful canard cassoulet, personally I prefer estate agents.

Basildon Bond
I am texting from Basildon and I can assure you it
is nothing like your fay Little London. You are being Hysterical.
Yuppies leave us alone.
Bazzy Dave.

More next time.

Cool Yule

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Labels: brighton, chav, seven dials, tuc tuc, winter wonderland