Monday, March 19, 2007
BRIGHTON PIZZA GIRL BARKING ABOUT PARKING
BARKING ABOUT PARKING
Land of the Free (Parking)The American Declaration of Independence clearly states, “The incredible right for all citizens to bare their arms and to park outside their homes” article 8 para 3. No such luxury for us downtown Brighton Brits.
Long Hall
The PPP held a poorly attended meeting at the West Hill Hall. Just 305 people calmly considered, deliberated and discussed local parking issues for 3 hours and then went home. One resident said “It was a pleasant evening.” Another commented “What a sweet little hall, I never knew it was there.” A Turkish shop-keeper complained. “What a shambles! This has nothing what-so-ever to do with the separatist movement in the east of Turkey. A complete waste of time and I got a £60 parking ticket.”
Bread Bins
Out of adversity comes a silver lining. Each night the mass scramble for allusive parking spots has meant residents are benefiting by getting to know their local area better than ever before. A Tinkers’ representative told us, “Sat Nav sales have gone through the roof and we have the largest selection of light bulbs and bread bins in West Hove, but please don’t park on the zig-zag lines outside the shop.”
Parking Vitriol
The newly formed Residents Without Cars (R.W.C) action group hit out today in a verbal backlash. “It’s parking this, parking that, cars, cars, cars. We never get any meetings to go to. It’s about time the car-less majority was considered. No meetings, no MOTs, no road tax, no permits, no tow-away squads, no nothing. It’s just not fair.”
It’s Chips for Stretch Limo Parking
No sooner had disappointed Buckingham Road neighbours Mischa and Petrolgella imported a pair of his n’ hers American stretch limousines, than the new no parking regulations came in. Bad timing or what? Thank goodness their limos have been converted to run on chip fat (as has, by the looks of him, Mischa himself). I’d hate to think what pollutants they would have been gunging out, especially after their sixth or so circuit looking for parking spaces.
Visitors Welcome
Evening parking is now so bad some residents are seriously thinking of removing front gardens and excavating into their ground floors. Three residents texted, “We know it looks unsightly, and we might lose a reception room or two, but believe us, the extra value it puts on the property is completely irrelevant, we just have no choice. We have to put our visitors’ parking first.”
Hangleton
Residents without parking permits should be aware there are no parking restrictions in Hangleton. Hangleton is served by a regular and efficient bus service that passes the Dials. A half-hour bus journey at the start and finish of the day is a small price to pay for the benefits of living in our ever-popular area with its lifestyle shops, food emporiums, restaurants and bars.
Trendy
George Wimpey, owner of the Children’s Hospital site, has abandoned plans to build luxury flats on the hillside plot. Instead, it is constructing an eco-friendly eighteen storey solar-heated parking complex. According to experts parking prices are set to quadruple, far out-stripping property values. “We’d be mugs to buck this trend; ninety percent have already been sold,” Sir George winked.
Adam Adamant
Originally Conservative councillors voted adamantly against the zoning changes, then they voted adamantly for the changes. A source close to someone who once met a conservative councillor overheard a conversation somewhere nearby to somewhere else where a Conservative councillor said “What's positive about us is we are consistently adamant.” That clears that up then.
Corks-a-Poppin'
Traders to get parking permits sensation. Christmas has come early for cock-a-hoop shop keepers. At a Champagne celebration party held by Dials businesses at Bath Street’s Treasure and Trash, a spokesperson for the not-quite-yet-thought-about-local-traders’ association, told someone, “As there are only about two hundred and forty three shops in the area, it’s not as though it will cause any problems except for residents and visiting customers. Our members will get at least 15 minutes extra in bed,” she quipped.
Silver Jubilee
After twenty five years Keith Bryden has sold the similarly named Bryden’s Hardware Store. “I closed because of the parking problems, but if I had waited just one more day I would have found out shop keepers can now get permits and park in resident bays. What a bummer”, he concluded.
Carbon Footprints Cut
The new zones’ permits are not without their plus points. Now we can
park in both the nearby North Laines and in the swanky New England
Quarter. By popping into the new Sainsbury’s it means we’re supporting the decline of London Road and driving instead of walking to the French Patisserie means we’re not leaving any carbon footprints, which is good for the ozone layer and greening in general.
Breaking News
Bryden's Hardware is now The Sunny Corner coffee and Patisserie Shop and set to be the No 1 summer hangout for trendy Polish traffic wardens. The newly-opened Finance Shop next to the newly-opened Co-op foodstore (nee Alldays) has closed its doors, possibly due to parking problems. Brighton Council is to enter TV's Dragon Den in a programme to be recorded last week. They are hoping to raise £155k to paint double yellow lines in every street throughout the City. I’m out.
brightonpizzagirl.blogspot.com
Land of the Free (Parking)The American Declaration of Independence clearly states, “The incredible right for all citizens to bare their arms and to park outside their homes” article 8 para 3. No such luxury for us downtown Brighton Brits.
Long Hall
The PPP held a poorly attended meeting at the West Hill Hall. Just 305 people calmly considered, deliberated and discussed local parking issues for 3 hours and then went home. One resident said “It was a pleasant evening.” Another commented “What a sweet little hall, I never knew it was there.” A Turkish shop-keeper complained. “What a shambles! This has nothing what-so-ever to do with the separatist movement in the east of Turkey. A complete waste of time and I got a £60 parking ticket.”
Bread Bins
Out of adversity comes a silver lining. Each night the mass scramble for allusive parking spots has meant residents are benefiting by getting to know their local area better than ever before. A Tinkers’ representative told us, “Sat Nav sales have gone through the roof and we have the largest selection of light bulbs and bread bins in West Hove, but please don’t park on the zig-zag lines outside the shop.”
Parking Vitriol
The newly formed Residents Without Cars (R.W.C) action group hit out today in a verbal backlash. “It’s parking this, parking that, cars, cars, cars. We never get any meetings to go to. It’s about time the car-less majority was considered. No meetings, no MOTs, no road tax, no permits, no tow-away squads, no nothing. It’s just not fair.”
It’s Chips for Stretch Limo Parking
No sooner had disappointed Buckingham Road neighbours Mischa and Petrolgella imported a pair of his n’ hers American stretch limousines, than the new no parking regulations came in. Bad timing or what? Thank goodness their limos have been converted to run on chip fat (as has, by the looks of him, Mischa himself). I’d hate to think what pollutants they would have been gunging out, especially after their sixth or so circuit looking for parking spaces.
Visitors Welcome
Evening parking is now so bad some residents are seriously thinking of removing front gardens and excavating into their ground floors. Three residents texted, “We know it looks unsightly, and we might lose a reception room or two, but believe us, the extra value it puts on the property is completely irrelevant, we just have no choice. We have to put our visitors’ parking first.”
Hangleton
Residents without parking permits should be aware there are no parking restrictions in Hangleton. Hangleton is served by a regular and efficient bus service that passes the Dials. A half-hour bus journey at the start and finish of the day is a small price to pay for the benefits of living in our ever-popular area with its lifestyle shops, food emporiums, restaurants and bars.
Trendy
George Wimpey, owner of the Children’s Hospital site, has abandoned plans to build luxury flats on the hillside plot. Instead, it is constructing an eco-friendly eighteen storey solar-heated parking complex. According to experts parking prices are set to quadruple, far out-stripping property values. “We’d be mugs to buck this trend; ninety percent have already been sold,” Sir George winked.
Adam Adamant
Originally Conservative councillors voted adamantly against the zoning changes, then they voted adamantly for the changes. A source close to someone who once met a conservative councillor overheard a conversation somewhere nearby to somewhere else where a Conservative councillor said “What's positive about us is we are consistently adamant.” That clears that up then.
Corks-a-Poppin'
Traders to get parking permits sensation. Christmas has come early for cock-a-hoop shop keepers. At a Champagne celebration party held by Dials businesses at Bath Street’s Treasure and Trash, a spokesperson for the not-quite-yet-thought-about-local-traders’ association, told someone, “As there are only about two hundred and forty three shops in the area, it’s not as though it will cause any problems except for residents and visiting customers. Our members will get at least 15 minutes extra in bed,” she quipped.
Silver Jubilee
After twenty five years Keith Bryden has sold the similarly named Bryden’s Hardware Store. “I closed because of the parking problems, but if I had waited just one more day I would have found out shop keepers can now get permits and park in resident bays. What a bummer”, he concluded.
Carbon Footprints Cut
The new zones’ permits are not without their plus points. Now we can
park in both the nearby North Laines and in the swanky New England
Quarter. By popping into the new Sainsbury’s it means we’re supporting the decline of London Road and driving instead of walking to the French Patisserie means we’re not leaving any carbon footprints, which is good for the ozone layer and greening in general.
Breaking News
Bryden's Hardware is now The Sunny Corner coffee and Patisserie Shop and set to be the No 1 summer hangout for trendy Polish traffic wardens. The newly-opened Finance Shop next to the newly-opened Co-op foodstore (nee Alldays) has closed its doors, possibly due to parking problems. Brighton Council is to enter TV's Dragon Den in a programme to be recorded last week. They are hoping to raise £155k to paint double yellow lines in every street throughout the City. I’m out.
brightonpizzagirl.blogspot.com
Labels: Brighton. Blenios . biggins. Amy Whitehouse. steve Coogan. west.hill sevendials. pizzagirl. brighton, pizza girl
