BRIGHTON PIZZA GIRL.

So long, farewell, auf weidersein, goodnight, adieu, au revoir and goodbye to the Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital due for demolition this summer. As a sixties recording artiste probably once sang “you don’t know what’s gone until you have it.”

Architectural surpremos English Heritage, unlike 96% of canvassed local residents, deemed the 1880 Tommy Lainson building (which had in 1945 our darling Queen amongst its visitors) not worth saving, citing amidst its araldite-and-informed reasoning that the building was “… too old and a bit crap…” The decision to demolish, together with the parking zone debacle, reassuringly demonstrates the commitment of local politicians to the process of public consultation.

The new owner of the Alex site is a man named George Wimpey. Lucky George has secured the hill-top plot for a whopping £10 million (sterling). By my calculations he will have to build a minimum of ten one-million pound houses to get his money back.Fortunately for George the site is big enough for at least twenty three homes, but according to my neighbour (who, by the way, is a doctor on over £114k a year) if George approached the problem by building upward he could do “quite well.”

My neighbour on the other side at no 47, an author of kids’ novels and worth an absolute fortune, having homes in Cornwall and in the Outer Hebrides, as well as three holiday cottages near somewhere called Betwsy Coed, (I think he might even own the Outer Hebrides, but I’m not sure.) reckons “If we play our cards right we could all do very nicely from community benefits like fancy new street lights, a tree, and possibly new corrugated chevrons around the Seven Dials roundabout.”



Another neighbour Jolyon who lives opposite (a well-stacked plumber who for some unknown reason isn’t registered for VAT) also reckons George will have to cough up for something called a percentage for the arts, but he thinks Zap Productions will probably get hold of the money for organising an annual parade of local kids carrying soggy paper lanterns on sticks up and down West Hill Street.

Living here is like being in a real version of the magazines Bella and Chat. I have just got back from having a quiet sushi lunch at Murasaki, where I overheard some prime chat. It seems that George Wimpey is probably definitely collaborating with Dials’ reality TV maestros, Ricochet. Ricochet is based at Pacific House next to the Co-op. They make luminary reality TV programmes like Super Nanny, Selling Houses, The 100 Best Pet Circumcisions. Going by what I heard they are making a new reality TV show hosted by Nadia Sawalha and West Hill superhero, the gorgeous Barry Scott, of Cillit Bang cleaner fame.

The programmes will chart the highs and lows of the glamorous world of property developer George. From the initial plans for a forty-storey landmark tower, to the futile objections by local residents and the Noble organisation, to the filming of the actual construction of five hundred affordable homes in two 53-storey tower blocks. Interestingly one tower will be reserved exclusively for ex-contestants of TV celebrity challenge programmes, the other set aside for under forty year olds with pets.
The all important conflict & drama will be provided by three wild Sussex Panthers that will be let loose into the lift shafts.

Apparently TV bosses are so excited with the concept of the concept they have already commissioned a second series. At this point, sadly, the ‘persons” I had been overhearing unfortunately paid and left and I missed what they said next; that is, until I caught up with them in Tinkers Homeware. I couldn’t completely follow what they were saying, something about Ricochet and a shed. It might mean more to you than me. It went something like this: “initial consideration of Ricochet is £25 million in shares, cash and loan notes, with a further £5 million in shares payable, conditional upon performance in the period ending 31 August 2006 and 30 April 2007. In the year ending 30 April 2005, Ricochet generated un-audited pro forma consolidated profit before tax of £3.1 million on turnover of £15.3 million. That was all I heard at this point as I felt uncomfortable listening into the conversation. This was, in part, due to my new shoes really hurting my feet and the fact that my sushi was getting cold. I cannot think of anything worse than cold sushi, can you?

Labels: Brighton. Pizza Girl. Royal alexandra childrens hospital. ricochet TV. George Wimpey. Brighton., seven dials