BRIGHTON PIZZA GIRL.

Fact or fiction?

Gossip and Grumbles

with Pizza Girl

Flex those Mussels. The runaway success of the Bank Bar heralds more changes on the Dials North |Side.
rumours abound,

Austin Rees management department are to relocate, re-locate, relocate, freeing up valuable Dials retail space. Lined up is Brighton'’s first branch of the Belgian catering giant Belga .
A passing local said " Yum I like mussels more than management and so do my neighbour's".

All West Hill residents over 67 are to be given government retraining grants, a crack team of Greek and Turkish pensioners are to be flown over to give expert one to one tuition in the playing of backgammon and in the use of worry beads. Once trained our residents will be dressed in black and loaned out to local bars. They will also sited on public benches and at intersections. Zap Arts the power house behind the scheme discovered the funding for the project in an Arts Council filing cabinet.

The Co-op is to have a major refit. long queues will be a thing of the past. A new sleek design will replace the current "stack ‘em high" interior. A very Co-operative spokesperson told me
" Now this has been leaked we can no longer deny that the Dials store is pony and trap. All the existing Staff are to be re-located to a Bombay call centre. Top news is that Sid the Big Issue and charity collector has been head hunted for the post as store manager, I really can’t say any more" she said "although we were hoping Waitrose would buy us out." She went on.

T.C.F.N.C.A.T.S.D.R. The cleverley named Campaign for New Chevrons at the Seven Dials Roundabout has reformed "We are also fighting the Council to re-instate plans to provide a dirty mattress redemption centre in Montpelier Crescent." Register your support at WWW.Filthymattresses.com. Calls cost £1

Bright News our friendly local "One Stop Shop" is to be the first in the city to have a marriage licence. "“The 24 / 7 lifestyles of the contemporary West Hillian demand ever more from the local convenience store. Now commuters will be able to get off the London train, shop and get married all in one location." Said Vinod . "Next month we will also be introducing a revolutionary photography service. Ever wished you didn't have to spend valuable time taking holiday snaps? Well now our in store photographer will actually accompany you on your honeymoon, holiday or special event and take all the pictures for you. As with our extensive organic range we think this service will be very popular." He smiled.

Tinkers have now got a tailor.

For a mere "£1.50 annually West Hill residents can sign up to receive text alerts from the Council informing them of any local disasters and any need to evacuate the city. A local who has already been using the service for some time told me "It'’s a bit of a con really I haven'’t ever had a single text from them."

Spotted on the manor last month The Council Enforcer sporting a charming yellow fleurescent vest handing out penalty tickets to traders for obstructing pavements This column supports the absolute rights of local stores to block pavements with any paraphanalia they like even bathroom sinks.

Any shop keepers that feel they have been unfairly treated by this column and subsequently withdrawn advertising I would like to make it quite clear that you haven't and that you are very nice people.
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Brighton is officially the top parking ticket issuing location outside of London. A Council spokesperson apologised for this embarassing second position and promised " Our wardens will do better in future."

Dave Radtke Tin Drum supremo and all round guy is to be the first President of the newly inaugurated West Hill Dials traders association. He was voted unanimously in his absence by a group of other people. An insider thought to be close to someone who once met him e-mailed me "“Lets not pussy around! the boys the boy for the job. There was no contest. David is honoured to be the new President and will continue to champion for the West Hill Dials Little London area." His first tasks will be to launch the Dials International Open Air Food and Crazy Golf Festival in August and the now almost famous Dials Xmas lighting extravaganza in December."

West Hill Street residents have finally come out into the open no longer waiting for the cover of darkness to use communal bins in Compton Ave and Buckingham Rd. “It’s a relief to no longer feel guilt or shame I should have come out earlier months ago” one said.

Silly me. I went into the new ultra modern Mishon office to book
A safari holiday in Kenya only to find out it was still an estate agency.

Jo Brooks publicist of Jo Brooks publicity said, "All at Jo Brooks PR say hi." More on Jo Brook's comment might be found on Jo Brooks web site WWW.JoBrooks.Com. Also on the site are pictures of Jo Brooks (The publicist) with lots of C list celebrity actors, tailors, and a sailor. Any similarity with the name Jo Brooks to other people called Jo Brooks is purely coincidental. The publicity for Jo Brooks briefly mentioned hear is for no other Jo Brooks only this Jo Brooks. hankyou.

Good things are worth waiting for! The two new shops next to Flush opposite Couch and nearly a quarter of a mile from the Gourmet Delicatessen are to become Thai Restaurants. This will boost the number locally to a fab four.The Council Food Czar has announced that this section will be re named the Thai Quarter.

May 1st has long been an important day worldwide, more so this year with the opening of Dalley’s Tapasery's themed garden.Neighbours have long been awaiting this scrumdiscous event, one said "A very handsome local estate agent told me it will effect the price of my property by thousands so at last I have had some good luck for a change." she emailed.


For updates and more information on all these stories PLEASE PRESS YOUR RED BUTTON NOW.

RIP Sargeant Stone "That was the way you did it."



More free summer fun to all our readers.

Pizza Girl.

Stop Press. Sid the charity collector declines management job at Co-op. He was thought to have said " I was tempted but I
owe it to all the local people that support me to carry on with my personal charity."

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